Just because I’m not the daughter you want doesn’t mean you get to treat me badly. I still have feelings, and I still get hurt. Please don’t make like it’s my fault.　

I’m sorry I have no obedience, mom. I’m sorry you don’t know what to do with me anymore. I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment. I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you wanted. I’m sorry I can’t be normal.　 I’m sorry, okay?

But obviously, sorry isn’t enough.

I’m the problem.

Everyone else doesn’t mess it up; I do.

I mess everything up.

No wonder…

I’m a failure. I can’t do anything right. I’m so stupid.

I can’t blame things on other people anymore. I am the problem. I always have been, it seems. Everyone would be better off without me.

I’m just a waste of space. 

I was right.

You don’t care about me. All you fucking care about is what people think of you. GET OVER IT. It’s my life. It’s my opinion. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions, right? Oh wait. I forgot; if you don’t agree with it, then it’s wrong.

If it bothers you so much, don’t think that it’s my fault I think that. It’s YOURS TOO. alkfjd,xfn.

For once in your life, can you please think about how I feel?

Don’t come in here talking to me like you know me or like you care for me or like you love me. You don’t. Please stop. Don’t make this harder on yourself, or on me. I don’t need your fake feelings. Leave me alone.

Since yesterday, my mom’s been treating me like I’m some broken doll. Newsflash: I’ve been broken for a long time.

I hate this place. We all just had a fight and it resulted into my dad praying to God and asking for him to make him die. That just fucking triggered us all. We were all crying at that point and I didn’t know what to do. Yelling at him didn’t seem right, and no one else was doing anything. So when my sister stood up, I stood up and made my way to the backdoor and left. I stayed outside for a good 10 minutes contemplating whether to leave or not. I spent another 5 minutes outside near the gates of my apartment. When I heard the door open, I ran up the stairs and tried to hide in case it was my dad blowing off steam. I hid for a few minutes before I thought the coast was clear. When I got up and tried to run, my sister saw me and she told me to go back into the house. I didn’t want to go. It hurt too much.

She came up the stairs and had to drag me because I was in tears. I didn’t want to go back home. I didn’t ever want to set foot in this house again. I wanted to die.

It’s been almost an hour and none of us are talking. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just… I want to get away from this place and forget today ever happened. I nearly had a panic attack when I came back into the house!

I normally don’t say this out loud, but I feel like a piece of shit. I’m a worthless twat who can’t even stick up for herself. No one likes me. I’m a good for nothing piece of shit; all I’m good at doing is running away. Stay back and fight, stupid bitch. But I won’t because I’m too afraid of getting myself hurt. All I care about is my petty little self. Newsflash: no one likes me. So I should just do everyone a favor and just fucking kill myself.

……. I wish I was dead.

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Don’t interfere with my decisions. It’s my life; I’ll live it however the fuck I want to. Stay out of it.

You STILL compare me to her, even though today was a good day. Is it so hard for you to be happy with me? Why can’t you just accept me for me? Am I that disgusting?

I feel the love.

See what I mean? Things were getting better, and you just ruined everything. Again.

While walking with my mother who kept muttering mean things about my hair, a man on a bike rode past us and told me my hair was very beautiful and nice. I thanked him and looked at my mom. She was holding her tongue back because she wanted to tell the man he was crazy for liking my hair.

But thanks to the man who thought my hair was nice :)